Jerks

What do you do when you meet a jerk?
You'll probably steer clear of them or tell them to buzz off.

What do you do when your partner or spouse is a jerk?
You'll probably classify them as such. And move on.

Guess what? I just realised about an hour ago that I have no such internal classification in me. (Thanks G for the enlightening conversation and very useful advice!). When I meet a jerk, I will still classify them as being good. And that has caused me a lot of unnecssary guilt and pain!

I have hung onto non-useful relationships because I never saw them as jerks. Only chose to see them as being good. And I took on unnecessary guilt that it is my fault why they behaved the way they did. That I am responsible.

Yes, sometimes I may be. And I learn to be a better person. But I realised now that there were many times when it wasn't my fault. Those men were jerks. Seems everyone around me knew they were and gosh, they tried telling me, convincing me. But my previously screwed up and non-useful internal classification system blinded me.

Taking my dear friend's advice, I have replaced the old useless classification with a brand new one. In a tiny corner of my heart lies a trash bin. That's for the jerks. And in a corner, I've also set up a filing cabinet to record the "bad" things of people so that I can have balanced growth. So that I will not hurt myself anymore. Balanced. To see the goodness in others. And also to objectively recognise when someone is being a jerk. And to let go. And move on.

Now, I am wiser.